A local Yinzburgher has shocked the “biggest small city in America” by establishing a curfew for himself of 9:30 pm.

“Nothing good happens after 9:30,” said Frank Marcopolos, who recently moved to the Yinzburgh area. “I don’t know why anyone would stay out after that. Also, it’s pretty dark at that time and hard to see.”

This came as a shock to other Yinzburghers, most of whom expressed mild surprise in reaction to the news. Yinzburgh is known to have a fairly wild nightlife, with many colleges and universities in the area. With such a culture of youth and stay-out-lateness, it can hardly be a shock that such self-curfewing was frowned upon by many area residents willing to speak to Yinzburgh Newz reporter Chippy Chipperino, none of whom consented to having their real names released into cyberspace.

“Weird,” said a woman whose name was required to be withheld for sartorial reasons. “Why would anyone prevent themselves from experiencing the out-the-house joys of ten pm? And what about eleven? Plus midnight!”

A man who overheard the above conversation while walking by in the street gave a fake pearls-clutching sign in support of Name Withheld. Or he may have been having a mini-stroke, we can’t be entirely sure at this time.

Clearly, something strange is going on with this new resident, and Yinzburgh Newz intends to get to the bottom of it. In the meantime, if you see this man in town, you might want to try to talk some sense into him.


Posted by Chippy Chipperino

Chippy Chipperino is a reporter for Yinzburgh Newz Daily, a wholly-owned subsidiary of KeepEasy Media. She is also the Supreme Executive Assistant for Charles de Baudilaire, more commonly known as CDB. In her spare time, she enjoys cosplay and smashing the patriarchy.